Rebound

As I look into your eyes, and you look into mine, I have no choice but to look away.

I feel embarrassed; I am ashamed of my own feelings, made worse by the knowledge that I am just your rebound.

I would love to dream that we have a future together, and dream that one day you will love me, but I know that I am just your rebound.

You have good intentions, you check me out, and really, you think that I'm quite nice; you don't even realize that I am just your rebound.

Conversations we have about our similarities and differences, establish our concrete foundations for friendship, and confirm that in no way am I like the one that went before me.

As we talk, I can see the thoughts going through your mind, and see that you are trying not to compare, but subconsciously you can't help but see the comparisons.

It has been a while now, and you are trying to move on, outwardly changing aspects of your life in an effort to appear to have progressed forward.

You successfully fool yourself and those acquaintances around you, but I can see you are in self destruct mode. It is a long, slow part of your life that I fear will only end one way. You are not alone and yet you are lonely. You are smiling and yet you are hurting inside.

I can make you smile for a time, you respond the way you should to everything I say and do. I think we could have fun together, we could have had a future together, but, sadly, I know I am just your rebound.


-Ntawira-

(written for Lilongwe Writers Circle - 16 September 2009)